Breaking Down Barriers
by Merri-Estrella
Summary: Incest is a taboo, everyone knows that but love is love and sometimes certain things can't be helped. This is a story that has sexual situations between twins but more importantly outlines the love that they share and their journey in finding themselves. Please R&R, not my first story byyy far, just my first to this site ;)
1. Chapter 1

"It was never supposed to be like this.. Why can't I just let it go?" Not for the first time, Hikaru found himself wide awake, back against his headboard and knees drawn to rest his arms against them, his face burried out of sight as he sighed quietly once more into the silence of the night broken only by the gentle in and out of his brother's breath as he slept peacefully next to him, entirely oblivious to his twin's mental conflict. What was right? What was wrong? Did society have the power to decide or was that simply the excuse people always gave when they were too scared to act on their desires? He wasn't sure, he never was with most things but with this he knew that if anyone found out there would be hell to pay worse than before even though the truth of the matter was, was that he didn't care so long as Kaoru wasn't one of the people that came to hate him as well. They had agreed to stop everything but.. it wasn't that easy.

It had started when they were eleven years old, hormones just begining to make themselves known, bringing with them a birrage of curiosities and desires that neither of the boys could always make heads nor tails of. They had seen things on television where people would touch each other in intimate ways and had adopted those same mannerisms when they had been quite young, a gentle caress here or there, small kisses being pressed to cheeks or brows, hands more or less always being held, one of them sitting in the lap of the other.. it didn't feel weird, it was something that occured naturally and over time became so common and second nature that even the people around them paid no heed to it as they had in the beginning.

It was simple like that, innocent, two young boys, brothers, twins, with no one in the world but themselves and a million questions that they wanted answers to, some that they 'needed' answers to and only each other to turn to in total and complete trust to find them with. Hikaru's first wet dream had been when they were eleven and he couldn't recall the details of it anymore but he remembered waking to find his mess, Kaoru awake next to him looking down at it as well. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened but he did want to know why, he wanted to know how, wanted to know if it was something within his control or not but his brother didn't know those answers either and they didn't want to risk their parents finding on the computer that they had searched for such a thing so they turned to each other as they always did, curious little fingers ghosting their way over porcelain skin, both boys shaking in nervous anticipation, hearts racing in their chests as they panted out each breath, their cocks hard between their legs. It didn't take long for them to figure out just what to do, what felt good and which things didn't, sitting side by side with their backs against their bed as they touched themselves, far too afraid and not yet ready to touch each other.

The biggest folly of youth is greed, once pleasure is found, it is not easy to let go of and neither Hitachi twin was prepared to give up such a simple indulgance but with greed comes consequence and after almost a year and a half of being careful to never be caught, they were. They had been in math class, both of them finished with their work, staring blank faced up at the board for a while before finally just requesting leave to the library where they'd never actually make it to as arousal comes on at the oddest of times and once one of them got an erection, the other was quick to follow as both their minds filled with memories of the way it felt in their stolen moments when side by side they would feel themselves, tight little fists stroking over their young cocks until they'd worked themselves to completion. This particular time they had been careless, eager to find a stall and get to it, their bodies calling to them, aching to be satisfied, it had become an addiction to them both that they could never quite manage to tell themselves no to and for it they would suffer, a random boy entering the bathroom to hear them and quickly depart to fetch a teacher.

No one had understood what they saw when the stall door had been forced open, both boys having just filled their hand with their own seed. Caught with identical deer in the headlights expressions, the twins moved to cover themselves but no such thing would be allowed as both Hikaru and Kaoru were grabbed by their biceps and drug out of the bathroom to be led through the corridors with their pants still around their ankles, entirely exposed. As if that wasn't punishment enough, the consequences of their carelessness only became more severe when they were seperated, their parents and administrators both ranting to them about how they had expected better, that being twins didn't mean they were above the rules that applied to everyone else. Everyone thought that they had been touching each other, no one would listen when they said they were only touching themselves as if it would help matters any and for that reason the Hitachi twins didn't see each other for months, each boy shutting down completely, unsure how to function without the other as there hadn't been a single moment in their life where they had found themselves seperated whether it be by their choice or by force.

Refusing to eat, unable to sleep for the sobs that would not cease to rip from their chests, their parents had no choice but to allow them to be together again, being extraordinarily clear upon the reuniting that if they were ever caught doing anything like that again that the seperation would be permanent but neither twin paid their parents any heed as they crumpled to the floor, clinging to each other as they cried away the last of their pain at being apart and began to cry tears of joy at their reunion.

Months down the road, Hikaru and Kaoru were curled around one another like ivy in their king sized bed as they were most nights, quietly lying there in the other's arms as they let their minds wander where they would, neither of them realizing that they were thinking the same thing, replaying over and over various times and moments in the host club they had recently joined when they had been able to be public about the feelings that they had felt for one another for so many years, not having to hold back in any way as everyone believed it to be the ultimate act developed to bring in more customers. Who were they to correct anyone?

But just like it was a lie to act as if they didn't have those feelings for one another, it felt like a lie to act as if they did too because they were not only lying about it being an act but it was also only in the host club that they expressed any sort of affection anymore, still so afraid of being caught together, the memory of being separated was far too fresh in their minds for it to be something either of them would be willing to risk feeling again but that night the twins knew they were alone in the house, both their parents having left once again to deal with business, their bodies once more calling out to them expecting the attention they had once become so accustomed to receiving.

"Hikaru..?" A quiet whisper no more than a breath escaped Kaoru's lips, his voice trembling in just the absolute slightest as his body moved forward of its own accord to press itself against that of his brother who shivered in response, whimpering out a breathless "yeah?" in response to the inquiry, full well expecting an answer but no verbal reply was given, Kaoru's hand shaking ever so slightly as it came to cup his brother's cheek, his breath held in anticipation as he leaned in to gently press his lips to Hikaru's, his eyes falling closed as he held himself there for just a moment before pulling away, his bottom lip finding its way between his teeth as he waited for some sort of response from Hikaru who lay there wide-eyed in total surprise.

What did that kiss mean? Was it a curiosity to know how it felt to do exactly what they had been accused of or was it more? and if it was more, what exactly did "more" mean? It wasn't something that could be decided just then, they would have to talk about it but for the moment talking about anything was out of the question as bodies once more pressed themselves against one another this time not to part nor pause, their erections being ground against the other, sparks of pleasure blinding their vision as both boys cried out and clung to each other just a little bit tighter. Moving together in a frenzy, the sensations shooting through their bodies brought them quickly to the brink of orgasm, electricity shooting up and down their spines as their loins tightened and their sacs grew bigger, filling with the spunk they were each about to spill. Fingers curled like talons dug into the backs of their counterparts, whines and whimpers in the backs of their throats as they tried to keep themselves quiet, afraid of a stray maid or butler hearing them but they could only keep themsleves contained for so long, both of them coming undone in mere minutes after all those months so long ago of learning how to make themselves last longer and longer.

A firm grip to Kaoru's buttocks as he was pulled sharply against his brother as Hikaru shot his hips forwards to grind their cocks even more roughly together was the breaking point for them both and with a shriek from both twins, they came, shooting their cum up between their bodies as they arched into one another, both of their bodies going rigid as Hikaru clamped his teeth down in a grimace, Kaoru doing the exact opposite, holding his mouth open so far that his jaw almost became unhinged before their orgasm released them and both boys collapsed against the bed in spent exhaustion.

Breathing as if they had just run a marathon, this time it was Hikaru that drew his brother into a kiss, tongues hesitantly and tentatively prodding against each other in their first kiss, neither brother having ever kissed anyone before beyond a peck to the other's cheek. Breaking apart to rest their heads, Hikaru and Kaoru lay there nose to nose looking at each other, each of them with a small smile on their faces, they were happy, together, and that was all that would ever matter-

"Do you.. wonder what it tastes like?" Quietly murmuring into his brother's ear, Hikaru nuzzled his nose against Koaru's cheek once their breathing had settled, not wanting to look at his twin when he asked that question as he felt mildly embarassed for wondering what their cum tasted like, especially when nothing but silence met his ears. Slowly, the hand that had moved from his back down to rest on his hip began to move again and Hikaru looked first down to it and then up to his brother's face where he saw a perfectly familiar grin of mischief. Looking back down to Kaoru's hand, his eyes grew wider as he saw that the boy was running his fingers through the cum that had splattered his stomach, both of their seed combined being scooped onto his fingers and Hikaru couldn't help but to feel a jolt of arousal shoot through the pit of his stomach at the sight nor again as Kaoru brought those fingers up to spread the cum on Hikaru's lips before leaning in to capture them in another kiss, his tongue gliding easily across his brother's spunk covered lower lip to draw it into his mouth where Hikaru's tongue quickly followed to ensnare itself around Kaoru's and share the taste of their jism, a flavor that neither twin could quite pin point but were not afraid of admitting that they both liked it either as Hikaru brought his brother's fingers back to his mouth to clean them of the cum that covered them, groaning quietly at the taste before releasing Kaoru's hand to take his lips again in a kiss that was their most heated thus far for a few minutes before their flames diminished and they once more rested their heads, cuddling as close as they could physically manage under their sweat damp covers, the sweat on their bodies quickly cooling to leave them both feeling tacky but it wasn't anything that could keep them from sleeping, the shower would be there in the morning, after all.

That was the last time they had done anything of the sort, one night shared between twins of pleasure brought on by the body of the other, they had crossed that line of taboo and it was something that scared Kaoru enough that he asked that they stop, stop everything, said that if they wanted to touch themselves that they could do it alone in private and that touching each other couldn't be allowed. The only thing that didn't change was that they would still share a bed, neither of them could sleep without the other and they both knew that but it wasn't the same even though it seemed to Hikaru that he was the only one that felt any different as if Kaoru had a switch that he could just flick on and off at will and there was nothing Hikaru wished for more than to have that same ability but he didn't.

Haruhi had come into their lives at that point, a pleasant addition to their club that was welcomed with open arms, there was something special about her and Hikaru just hoped that she was special enough to be the change he needed and so he began to chase after her in his own way, the only one that noticed at first was Kaoru who he would catch looking at him with a pained expression that looked almost as though he felt betrayed. Hikaru tried to talk to his brother again about what had happened between them but was continually told to stop talking which began to frustrate him because he didn't know what to do, what was right nor what was wrong, what was expected nor wanted, a perfectly common preocupation for his mind to find itself in.

Looking down to Kaoru, he brushed his fingers through his brother's silken hair and sighed once more, bringing his mind back to the present as he asked himself yet again what he was meant to do because Haruhi wasn't the answer, she wasn't who nor what he needed, only his brother could make him feel that squeezing of his chest, could fill his stomach with butterflies with nothing but a single flash of his smile that radiated sunshine, he hated how corny he sounded but it was the truth, Hikaru was in love with his brother and only an idiot could deny it.

Pausing for a moment longer, Hikaru took a deep breath and straightened his legs out again to scoot back down the bed to be able to lay even with Kaoru. It was now or never, he knew that he either needed to make the next move and put his foot down to stop his brother from running in fear of what they had or walk away forever and walking away wasn't anymore of an option than it was to continue to live as they were.

"Kaoru.. Kaoru, wake up.." Nuzzling at his brother's cheek, Hikaru moved his hand to gently cup the boy's other cheek as he turned his head to press their lips together. At first there was no response but when he pressed another kiss to Kaoru's lips after having pulled away, the response was undeniable as a soft moan was breathed out and arms came to wrap around his body. Heart soaring in triumph at feeling something he longed to have again for so many months, Hikaru kissed his brother with a hightened intensity wanting to get everything from this moment before Kaoru woke properly and pushed him away in anger for having broken their deal of not doing this anymore but the anger never came..

Taken by surprise entirely, Hikaru groaned loudly as his brother rolled them over to straddle his hips, their cocks pressing together just as they had before as Kaoru began to move against him in a slow rolling of his hips that made them both groan at the contact so long denied to them. Grabbing his twin's hips in a vice grip that was sure to bruise the ivory flesh, Hikaru flipped them over again, finding himself situated between his twin's spread legs that only came to open wider before him, asking, begging, to be touched, to be teased, to be torn and fucked, his brother was giving himself to Hikaru and nothing in the world could make him turn such a beautiful gift away.

Growling deep in his chest, Hikaru broke their kiss as he brought his hands up to grip Kaoru's hair, tugging it sharply to pull his brother's head back and expose his neck that was quickly latched onto as his cock thrust itself between his twin's pert buttocks, pre-cum oozing readily from his slit to slick the glide, every inch of his body buzzing in need to sink his cock deep into the tight little pucker of his brother's anus but there was no rushing this, he would drag it out as long as he could, bringing Kaoru so close to orgasm that just the head of his cock up that sweet little ass would be enough to make him explode his cum.

Pinned to the bed in a sprawled position, there was something delicious about how aggressive Hikaru had suddenly become and Kaoru was happy to submit, his every night filled with dreams of exactly this, his dreams giving him everything that he denied them both in real life for reasons he didn't even know anymore as his brain was wiped clean, teeth digging deep into his shoulder in a painful bite that drew blood to quickly be sucked and lapped at, the small pricks of pain sending bolts of pleasure right to his cock that he begged for his brother to take into his hand, take into his mouth and suck him but all of his pleas fell on deaf ears as Hikaru worked his way down the boy's body, nipping and sucking his way down Kaoru's torso, planting a kiss every now and again as he worked his way first down and then back up the boy's chest to capture his nipples, teasing them with fingers and tongue alike before biting down on them as well, not nearly hard enough to hurt but enough to cause Kaoru to writhe and moan like a common whore, he had never felt anything so amazing in his life.

Did this count as teasing? He hoped so, so many months of everything Koaru did bringing him a hard on like he knew exactly what he was doing to his brother and Hikaru planned on paying him back but instead of agonizing pain, he'd grant his beloved brother pleasure as well even if it was a matter of one equaling the other. Releasing his hold on Kaoru's wrists that he'd pinned to the mattress on either side of the boy's head, he was quick to bring his hand down, fingers ghosting ever so lightly over the cock he found there, a quiet chuckle being given as he felt it twitch under his feather light touch.

Moving down entirely, there was no moment of pause as Hikaru grabbed his brother's legs behind his knees and pushed them up to his chest as he swooped down to thrust his tongue inside his brother's hole, moan's slithering from both their mouth's at the sensation of penetrating and being penetrated but Hikaru didn't take a single second to pause as he began to lick and tease his twin's tight little pucker, loving the way it twitched under the onslaught of attention he was giving it, circling the rim with the tip of his tongue that would then begin to flick across it before dipping inside ever so slightly, curling up to stroke just the rim from the inside as he knew the rim was where most of the sensation was, not deep within unless he managed to find Kaoru's prostate which he had no doubt that he would do with ease.

It felt as if he would burn alive, his body was so hot and his breathing so rapid that it became difficult to breath properly as his knees were pressed up to his chest, Hikaru swooping down to pleasure him in a way he had never imagined he would experience, his voice unable to be contained as he thrashed his hands about gripping the sheets and then moving them instead to his own hair, trying to find purchase and keep his grip there as his mind was assaulted with ecstasy he never knew a person could actually achieve, moaning out obscenities as he begged his brother for something more as it felt so so good to have his ass eaten out but he needed more, it wasn't enough, not by far and he begged Hikaru to fuck him to take his cock and sink himself deep himself deep into his searing hole but just as before his pleas went unheeded, voice raising up to a literal scream as his brother's tongue moved up from his trembling rim to lick over his painfully engorged sac and then all the way up his shaft to the head that was sucked into the moist heated cavern of his twins mouth to be gently suckled at, Hikaru's head tilting sideways as he then sucked his way back down. Lips sealing over the underside of his shaft he felt his brother's tongue flick itself over the vein that resided there and knew he wasn't going to last, there was no question as he almost lost himself when one of his sacs was taken into that same mouth, his hands shooting down to grip his twin's hair in attempt to keep him there but he was far too weak in his current state for the effort to be worth much and he lost the battle, whimpering loudly in desperation when Hikaru pulled away entirely.

If things kept up the way they were going, there wasn't a doubt in the dominating Hitachi's mind that he would cum before he'd even gotten inside his brother, Kaoru's moans going straight through him to make his cock weep its need but the boy beneath him was much too close to orgasm and it simply wouldn't do to have him cumming just yet so Hikaru did pull away, lowering his brother's legs to lie against the bed as he moved up to sit lightly against his brother's chest, taking his cock in hand to stroke it lightly over his brother's lips that parted for him to enter, Kaoru's tongue snaking forward to stroke itself over the cock that had invaded his mouth as Hikaru moved his hips back and forth to move himself in and out but that's not what he wanted and decided to pull back, grabbing the boy's shoulders to move him up, sitting him against the headboard as Hikaru himself stood up on the bed to put his cock at level with his brother's mouth that quickly and eagerly returned to its previous actions. Leaning against the wall above the headboard, he couldn't look down to watch his brother working his cock as one look down to see his thick shaft sinking into those pink, kiss swollen lips and his brother's eyes looking up at him was almost enough to make him come undone and he was far from ready for that.

It was surprising to Kaoru just how much he enjoyed what he'd been requested to do, having always been curious of what it would be like to give a blowjob but always too afraid to do anything about that curiosity, it was worth the wait though as he loved it, the way it tasted, the way it weighed so heavily on his tongue sliding in and out of his mouth that pressed more and more forward every time to take more of the cock into his mouth and in turn, when he felt comfortable enough with it, down into his throat that he fought to keep relaxed and open to take it, a fight short lived as Hikaru once again pulled away, hands shooting down to grab his hair and hold him away from the cock he'd been so thoroughly enjoying, both of them still for a moment, silence like static around them before Hikaru once more dropped down onto the bed to kneel before him.

Shuffling a little ways down the bed, Hikaru reached forwards to hook his arms under his brother's thighs and grab his hips to yank him back down the bed to be lying once more on his back in front of him, one hand going down to squeeze tightly around the base of his cock as he tried so so hard to stave off his ejaculation which was immensely difficult with the way Kaoru spread himself so desperately hungry and perfectly wanton before him, drawing up his own legs as he whimpered to Hikaru to fuck him which almost undid the boy once and for all.

Two fingers quickly slipped into his mouth, he was quick to coat them with a thick layer of saliva before slipping both of them inside his brother's relaxed hole that instantly seized up making them both whimper, Kaoru at the sensation and Hikaru at the thought that it would soon be his cock in there. Pumping his fingers in and out of Kaoru's hole, he was quick to curl his fingers wanting to find the boy's prostate before he'd worked the boy up so much again that he'd just instantly lose himself. A loud gasped moan as well as the hand that shot down to grab his wrist as Kaoru arched in utter bliss told Hikaru that he'd found what he was looking for, a cheshire grin on his lips as he chuckled quietly at his brother's reaction, slipping in a third finger to more efficiently stretch his twin's hole, his patience beginning to wear thin but if he wasn't thorough there would be more pain than what would already be unavoidable and he didn't want that for his beloved, wanted this to be perfection for them both and thus far he was managing as Kaoru's pleading mantra began to fall from his lips yet again and he begged to be entered.

This time, miracle of all miracles, his words weren't ignored, Kaoru's eyes fighting his lust and want to close to be able to watch as Hikaru pulled his fingers out, a small sound of protest escaping Kaoru's throat even though it was exactly what he wanted because he felt so empty without those fingers inside of him as his eyes locked on to the far thicker shaft of his brother that was being slicked with saliva as it was the only lube they had in preparation to be finally pushed up inside of him.

Pausing only then, after everything else that had already happened, Hikaru was on his knees between his brother's spread legs with the tip of his cock pressed against his brother's hole when he looked up to Kaoru as if to ask if he was sure about this, this was that final line, the line that was never ever to be crossed by siblings and he knew that he wouldn't regret it but wanted to be sure that the same was for both of them and with a small nod from Kaoru, he leaned forward to whisper soft murmurs of affection against his brother's lips before taking them once more in a kiss as he slowly pressed his way inside, pausing once he was about half way inside to pull out a little bit and then push forwards again, slow gentle thrusts to work his way all the way inside the tight heat that made him turn away from their kiss to bury his face into Kaoru's neck to hide his silent scream, an expression that was exactly identical to that of the boy beneath him who was slowly being penetrated. It hurt them both for different reasons but it was a pain that didn't last as Hikaru quietly murmured and coaxed Kaoru into relaxing his muscles, his hips slowly beginning to move again to pull all the way back until just his head was inside and then push himself in again, slow steady thrusts that slowly yet surely began to gain momentum as both boys gathered their bearings to become faster and harder, both bodies drenched in sweat as flesh slapped together as loudly as their voices that rose in the air to scream their pleasures.

They would last a matter of minutes, there was no question there as Hikaru crashed their lips together yet again, his hand dropping down to wrap around Kaoru's cock, stroking it as close to in sync with his thrusts as he could manage but his rhythm was being lost as he got closer and closer to orgasm, Kaoru not far behind him as he clung to Hikaru, nails digging deep into his back as he canted his hips up the meet each and every thrust, skin tearing beneath his nails as he tried to find his words to tell his brother that he was going to cum but in sync as they always were, that moment was no different as they came, each of them ejaculating at the exact same time as Kaoru spurted cum up his abdomen and across his chest, a few flecks making it to his chin and Hikaru filled him with his own explosion of strong heavy spurts of cum, both of them collapsing in a messy heap of stated exhaustion.

Rolling away from Kaoru to escape his heat in a need to cool off, he was amazed at what had just happened, it hadn't been his intention but apparently it was fate and he wouldn't take back a single second of it as his body shook for all the energy and effort he'd exerted. Rolling back over to Kaoru, he wasn't sure if anything would be said but before it was, he wanted one final kiss as if some how it sealed what had just transpired between them.

Lying sprawled out, Kaoru happily turned his head towards his twin to accept the kiss, not sure either if anything would be said or if they would simply sleep but he did feel the same way about the kiss as though it sealed the entire happenings as he noted that they were lucky that the house had been empty again though unlike last time there was no doubt that they had been heard but their staff should any of them have been awake or milling about.

"This is what I was afraid of the entire time.. you and I having sex. Its wrong, Hikaru, so says the world but right now.. right now I don't care what any of them say. We have a love that is unique and beautiful, if we weren't twins, weren't brothers, then there would be people writing stories about our kind of love, the kind that everyone wishes they had but never could actually achieve.." falling silent to steal another kiss, tender and gentle but with no less passion behind it, he had to pause to think of what to say.

"I love you, Kaoru, and I couldn't keep up pretending that I didn't, you mean too much to me and Haruhi means too much to us both for me to use her the way I was trying to, she's a good friend but she's not you, Kaoru.. no one ever could be" smiling as he gently stroked his brother's still heated cheek, Hikaru couldn't think of anything else to say and pulled his twin close to hold him tightly in his arms.

"I love you too, Hikaru" wrapping his arm around his brother's sweaty body, Kaoru pressed his ear to his brother's chest and smiled when he heard the rumbling of his voice as Hikaru said something he didn't catch and didn't care to ask after. There was a lot that they would have to figure out but most of it could be left to time as time was the only one that was truly with any answers in this world and it wouldn't do to dwell on it. They had each other and for better or worse, there was nothing that mattered more than that.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN: TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter does contain a small scene in which one of the characters is cutting and I just want you to be warned, I've read a lot of fics that I think are entirely unreal in regards to this topic and sometimes it's not even about them not knowing but that they actually seem to be mocking it so I wrote from a personal experience. Let me know what you think.**_

"When you're twins, there's a lot expected from you.. People think that you're going to act or think exactly the same, feel the same emotions, react the same and be perfectly in sync all the time, you're not your own person and.." it was frustrating the way the world treated them, as if they were different than anyone else just because they were twins, so many more expectations, so much more pressure and no one, no one at all could ever tell them apart, not even the people that they loved dearly until they'd recently met Haruhi but she was the one that started this whole mess, the one that really opened Kaoru's eyes to the world around them and how it worked, especially towards them.

Slouched over naked on the edge of the bed, Kaoru looked down at his hands that were fiddling in his lap. He was nervous, trying to come up with the proper words to explain why he had done what he did, trying to explain it to Hikaru who was kneeled on the floor in front of him looking up with such love and undoubtable concern in his eyes.

"To have our secret.. That doesn't bother me, doesn't stress me out at all because it's not their business but I do know that if someone found out and got nasty over it, attacked us, attacked you, that I couldn't take it and sometimes I worry.. is that ultimately the same thing as being stressed about it?" letting his eyes flash over to meet Hikaru's he saw a definite sadness and reached out to place a finger gently to his brothers lips that were parting to speak, hushing him because Kaoru needed to finish his thought and explanation before he lost track of what he was saying so that he could work on saying what was the real problem with him.

"It's our parents.. They're never here and then when they are its nothing but how poorly we are doing, how we're never enough even though we're nearly top of our class. When father was home and he struck me.. he didn't say another word, just turned and walked away and that hurt more than all of his anger and lectures about upholding the Hitachi family name combined. I just.." pausing to wipe at his eyes, Kaoru took another pause feeling as though he was rambling even though he was really just trying to find the right way to explain. Maybe there was no clear explanation? "The pressure, the stress, everything, it was just too much, IS too much and I just.. I had to try something and Hikaru.. Hikaru I am so sorry.. so so sorry."

Doubling over with his arms crossed over his legs, sobs began to rip from Kaoru's chest as he hid his face, unable to even look at his brother for the amount of guilt that welled up in him when he saw the tears in his brothers eyes as well, when he remembered the look on his brother's face upon his opening of the bathroom door to find him sitting there bleeding. It hadn't been a suicide attempt, he didn't feel that depressed nor would he ever do that to Hikaru but he had heard of people cutting, knew people in their school that did it and if it helped so many people to feel better then why couldn't it have helped him to feel better as well?

It was by accident that Hikaru had even found his brother trying his hand at cutting but either way he would have found out, they didn't hide anything from each other but it wasn't anything he had ever expected to see so he had panicked thinking Kaoru had been hurt, rushing to his side to press a cloth from their shelf onto the wound as he asked if his brother was alright, seeing clearly that Kaoru was crying but having no real idea why until he pulled the cloth away from his brother's arm and saw that instead of one wound, there was five consecutive and more or less identical thin slashes to his ivory flesh. Wide eyes had looked up in shock and surprise but he didn't get angry, instead it felt like something sort of broke inside him and instead of anger came a calm sadness that helped him to keep his head as he helped to clean and dress his brothers wounds, the silence around them was stifling but only the shaking of his hands acted as the true indication of Hikaru's distress.

Would this happen again? Would he be able to let Kaoru be alone? He'd gone to take a shower when they got home and it was apparent that such a thing had taken place but how did Kaoru go from a shower to sitting on the edge of the tub with a razor in his hand and cuts on his arm? It didn't make any sense to him, why anyone would do such a thing, but he understood that it meant his brother had been more upset than he'd known and that he needed to do something about it, he just didn't know why it had happened and that's where they needed to start so he took Kaoru into the other room and sat him on the bed, moving to kneel on the floor in front of him, reaching up to stroke the boy's cheek but he just stiffened, causing Hikaru to pull his hand back and lower them both to his lap, trying to keep his composure and his voice steady when he asked why Kaoru had done what he did.

Silence had fallen around them once more, broken only by Kaoru's sobs as he cried all his guilt and sorrows, feeling worse and worse by the second for the pathetic display he was, curled up in a ball before his brother, his twin, his entire world, that was always so much stronger than him, so much more steady and able to cope. They were twins, weren't they? Why couldn't the world be right just this one time and have their emotions but in sync so that he could be that same pillar of strength that Hikaru always was no matter the situation? Bold and ready to take on the world no matter what it was they were facing.

Crying harder and harder yet, it was a surprise when he felt arms wrap around his body as he realized Hikaru had moved closer to him, wanting to hold him just as he always did when Kaoru couldn't hold himself together anymore and just like always, the crumpled Hitachi would slide easily down into his brothers lap as they cried together, rocking back and forth there on their bedroom floor and no one would come, if they did, they wouldn't care and that's what was hurting Kaoru the most. Before, they'd never needed the world, had ignored it entirely but that damned Haruhi had opened them up to it and they didn't like what they saw.

"Did it make you feel better?" still sitting there on the floor, their tears had drained away and they were sitting quietly, Kaoru in Hikaru's lap, resting his head on his brother's shoulder when the quiet whisper had been uttered to be met only by more silence as Kaoru deliberated on whether or not to tell his brother a truth that would only hurt him more or to tell a lie that would placate him just for a little while.

"To be honest, until you came in, it did. Like all the bad things about me and about life drained away in each drop of blood. It hurt.. But not much, just enough to distract me, pull my focus there and not think about the rest of it. Until you came in." there was no accusation in Kaoru's tone but Hikaru still felt guilty for stealing such a feeling away from his brother who was in so much obvious distress that it hurt him just to see. Had he just blinded himself to all of it? He could read his brother like a book and vice versa so did he just not want to see that truth? Was this his fault because he could have done something to stop it? Should he even feel bad for interrupting something like that? Doesn't everyone deserve their escape from the nasty things in life?

"I'm sorry, Kaoru. Maybe I shouldn't have just come in but it's never been a problem with us before. I.. I don't want you to do this, Kaoru, just tell me what to do.. I'll do anything to make you happy again, this is all my fault.. Let me fix it." It was his fault, he knew that, Kaoru had always been more sensitive to things than he had ever been and it wasn't that his brother was weak, it was just that they didn't handle things the same way and that was okay but it was his job to protect Kaoru and he'd failed.

"How would you protect me from the entire world? This isn't your fault, Hikaru. I'm just so stupid. Always making trouble for you. Maybe father is right.. He threatened to separate us again, you heard that, didn't you? You were right there, you must have. Maybe it would be better that way, you could actually live and be happy, be free of me, I'm nothing more than a shadow, a weight and a darkness that holds you back" puffing out a small chuckle in bitter amusement, he shook his head having leaned forward and away from his brother's chest as he'd been talking to hang his head again, eyes going back down to his fingers that once more fiddled in his lap.

There was no immediate answer just silence and a stunned look on Hikaru's face. Was he surprised his brother would let him go so easily? Was it all he'd ever wanted? Was he disgusted by how pathetic his twin was sitting there naked with a tear streaked face in his lap? Probably, Kaoru couldn't comprehend it being anything else, didn't understand it at all when Hikaru's arms came to wrap around him and pull him close again, an almost silent "never" being whispered into his hair as he felt wet tears start falling into his hair and this time it was Hikaru's turn to sob, his whole body shaking with each cry that ripped itself from his chest that had just been splayed wide open by the words his brother had uttered. To live without his brother? His beloved? To hear that Kaoru thought himself such a burden? It tore Hikaru apart inside and all he could do was hold his brother close and hold him there tightly as if he would disappear like smoke in the air should the grasp be loosened even in the slightest and he couldn't risk that, couldn't even process such a thought, a life without his Kaoru.. What kind of life would that be? It wouldn't.. he would cease to exist..

Clinging just as tightly as he was being clung to, Kaoru needed nothing more than the exact reaction he'd gotten from Hikaru which he hadn't purposely evoked but that didn't mean that it didn't feel good, to be held like that, to know his brother's love was unswerving, that through even the worst of times he would never be dumped on the curbside and left to rot, it made him feel kind of foolish, like the sun had never stopped shining, he'd just closed his eyes to it and perhaps that was the case as Hikaru was and always would be his sunshine. Releasing his hold with one arm, Kaoru brought his fingers up to gently stroke through his brother's hair, trying to calm him as he began to softly sing the very song that he and Hikaru had always sung since they were young boys and times of distress had come upon them.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey.." reaching down to tilt Hikaru's head up, he wiped away at the tears that still stained his brother's cheeks and gave him a small smile in hopes of getting one in return. "You'll never know dear, how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away.." still cupping his brother's face, his smile grew as a small one appeared on Hikaru's face as well. It was funny, how they always turned around the bad moments and made them better, and he hoped that it was something they would always be able to do for each other and in turn, honestly, for themselves as well.

Closing his eyes as Kaoru leaned in to kiss him, Hikaru smiled a little lit wider as he kissed his brother in return, leaning into it as his hand came up to cup the back of Kaoru's head and pull him closer, not wanting he boy to break their lip lock too soon, holding him there until that strong, distinct intensity began to show itself between them, quick as it always was, making Hikaru have to pull away from before they got in too deep. "Promise me you won't do it again. Please? Please, I don't think I could handle seeing something like that again. We'll figure it out, okay? Together, I promise"

Pressing a hand to Kaoru's chest to keep him at bay from capturing his lips in another kiss, Hikaru's expression was entirely serious and Kaoru knew not to answer lightly. "I promise that I will do my best, we will do this, just like we have always done everything else. The world cannot stop us, we won't let it hold us down" smiling down at his brother, he was entirely serious and Hikaru could see that so for the moment he let the conversation drop, picking up his brother to help turn him so that the boy was straddling his lap as they brought their mouths back together, needing each other, needing that affirmation of their love and affection, needing and craving that connection, that blanking of the mind that blasted away everything except for the other and all the pleasure they were feeling in that moment until they'd exhausted themselves, burnt away everything else that existed with the raging inferno that was their passionate, lust ridden love.

Quick to act, it wasn't long that Hikaru's clothing lasted before he was rendered stark naked just as his brother was, teeth finding flesh as their bodies moved against one another, Hikaru's hands grasping tightly around Kaoru's hips as he pulled the boy down against him, his own hips being pushed up to meet the boy sitting astride his lap, a young prince preparing to ride his stallion, some lame joke they'd made up some time ago but there was no room for jokes between them just then as Hikaru whimpered to his brother to do it already, the lube stashed between the mattress and box spring that they were already leaned against. Kaoru had taken it a couple times without prep first, it hurts but he liked it in his own way, told his brother that it felt like more that way and that he wanted to feel the whole of his brother inside of him, something that Hikaru hadn't yet made precise heads or tails of nor inquired after as things said during sex didn't always make sense and he'd accepted that.

Never one to tease when their need was so great, Kaoru reached for the lube and was quick to spread it over his brother's cock before reaching behind him to spread some over his entrance as well wanting to make things at least a tiny bit easier as he lifted himself up and moved forwards again, reaching down between his legs to take hold of Hikaru's cock and align it with his entrance before he sunk down onto it, head thrown back as a silent scream issued forth and he tried to control his breathing in attempt to keep his body as relaxed as possible but he was seeing stars and had to release the cock that was now in his anus so that he could take both Hikaru's shoulders into his hands as he leaned forwards to bury his face in the boy's neck and thrust himself the rest of the way down, his eyes squeezed so tightly shut that they hurt but he knew this was the hard part and from there it would only get better.

Whining loudly, both boys clung to each other as they paused there for a moment, quiet whispers being murmured into Kaoru's ear full of affection and encouragement, telling him to relax and to move, a calm that was not at all matched by Hikaru's true thoughts that were encouraging him to flip his brother onto his back and fuck him like the animal he sometimes felt like but that wasn't what this was about and instead of a fast, crazy fuck, he gave gentility, slowly and softly caressing his brother's blushing skin, trailing his fingertips down the boy's back.

Shifting his hands to take both of Kaoru's hips and grip them, he helped to lift his brother up as the boy raised himself on shaky legs, holding himself up for a minute before lowering himself back down again, a quiet whimper escaping Kaoru at the sensation and the small stabs of pain that went racing through him but he relaxed and focused his mind on Hikaru, turning his head to be able to press his lips to Hikaru's neck, kissing his way across to the other side where he bit down at the same moment he tightly squeezed himself around the shaft inside him, a loud groan from Hikaru making him smile in triumph as he titled his head to whisper in his brothers ear, encouraging him to turn them and lie back, that was the way Kaoru liked to ride him best.

Request quickly granted, Hikaru wasted no time in turning them to the side so that he could lie back, both his hands still around Kaoru's hips as he bucked his own, pulling his brother down against him with that grip to be able to grind himself deeper inside, groaning quietly as he told Kaoru to move, to fuck him, whining in the back of his throat his pleas of desperation in his need not just for the sex but for his brother, for his body and the way it felt against his own, perfectly identical and yet somehow a million times more perfectly beautiful and forever more irresistible than his own.

Taking Hikaru's shoulders into his hands again, Kaoru began to move himself, lip caught between his teeth as his eyes fell shut, his head tilting back as he began to pick up his pace, raising himself up to drop back down in a perfect tempo, pausing every couple of thrusts to really grind down against Hikaru who looked lost to the pleasure that was washing over him and no other time could Kaoru think of where his brother looked any more beautiful than in moments like this where he wasn't thinking of anything but just the two of them and would have the most pleased look on his face, his closed eyelids opening to unveil the blazing hunger that was hidden within. Kaoru would fuck his brother to oblivion just to forever see that look on his face.

In a weak attempt to bring Kaoru closer to him, Hikaru wrapped his arms around the boy's neck and gently tugged, heavily lidded eyes looking up to the matching pair looking down at him as he whimpered his request, dropping his a hands back down to rake his nails over his own arched body as he lifted himself to thrust up into Kaoru every time the boy dropped himself down. Losing his patience, Hikaru decided to be more direct, knocking away Kaoru's arms to bring him crashing down against his brother's chest, who's arms were quick to snake around his body and hold him close as Hikaru then set his heels and began to piston up into the boy who'd gone rigid in shock, a scream in the back of his throat as his eyes rolled back and he struggled to regain his breath, cursing loudly and ordering Hikaru to turn them over, he wanted to be drilled just like that, his own arms coming up to wrap around his brother's body as well as they rolled over and Hikaru continued the trusts, a slow, strong ramming of his cock deep into Kaoru's body that quickly turned back into that same piston in motion that had made him see stars.

Letting out a loud cry, Hikaru could feel blood beginning to trickle down his back, Kaoru's nails having dug in deep as his body arched up into the one weighing down against him, his vision swimming into blackness as he was fucked right into heaven and he shot of his load in a few heavy spurts of cum between their bodies, his own cavity he knew was being filled by the same from his brother who soon collapsed against him in a heap, breathing ragged as they rested for a moment before Hikaru sat up to press a kiss over Kaoru's still racing heart followed by another to the hollow of his throat and then his lips, small tender kisses that were followed with a kiss being pressed to Kaoru's bandaged wrist next.

"No more of this, Kaoru. I don't know what I would do if.. Please, promise me.." He didn't want any more crying nor tears and yet the bastard things still came to fill his eyes as he looked down to Kaoru with a pleading expression, a hand being raised to cup his sweat damp face as Kaoru reached up to stroke his thumb across his brother's cheek and then pull him down close again, not taking a second to pause before quietly whispering a breathy "I promise" against Hikaru's lips and sealing that promise with a kiss.


End file.
